How did I ever survive.

Tonight I learned the horrible truth…I have been subjected to years of pesticides and chemicals that have obviously stunted my growth and educational capacity. Steph told me tonight that we have to wash the  car seat cover to get the dyes and residues removed. I don’t know that mine was washed prior to my getting in it. I have, for years wore new pants without washing them first. Now I have to sit back and think about how I have been limited in my life because of the pesticides and dyes that have apparently stripped me of so much raw talent and opportunity. Below you will find a picture of me. Yep that’s me on the right, all those years of chemicals and dyes really stunted my growth.

Note also that I have a small brain much like that of a chicken. Notice it below.

Yep… in all my time in education I have only earned a B.S. in Chemistry, M.Div., Th.M., and almost a Ph.D. in Christian Education. How many Ph.D.’s could I have had, 5,6,7, maybe 8. I guess “8 is enough” as “I rock ya mama” said tonight. I guess I could have grown taller, 6′4″ is not enough, note in the picture above, the other guy is 20′ 11 3/4″ tall. I have a long way to go.

All that said to say this, I am sure that because of the stringent use of stringent in our household, and the princess of cleanliness (Steph), that my son will have intelligence far above and beyond what his, oh so hindered, father had.

Wait…Wait…I think I have found the latest ultrasound picture of Samuel.

 

Yep looks like he is going to be a smart cookie…just like his ol’dad.

Later

No so balanced beam…

Well here we go again. Chung Fay (sp? – like I care) seems to have the ability to get high scores in an exercise that requires balance when not demonstrating good balance. I have come to the point where I firmly believe that a Chinese gymnast, especiallythis girl, could have slid her rear back and forth across the beam (much like I could have, but without the same outcome) and walked away with a gold metal. You know, I believe that I need to modify an earlier post with regard to the modified system. When your country manipulates the system to get better scores and uses obviously under aged athletes, you should get what you deserve, the Fools Gold Metal.  Oh by the way, did you notice that the other Chinese girl, who fell off the beam, got a higher score than the girl who did not fall??? Tell me that the Chinese government has not manipulated the system to make them look better than they really were. I believe that if a true, unbiased, inquiry was conducted, something would be found.

Come on over for some Chinese “Home Cookin”

Well… Bella is mad, and so should everyone who appreciates gymnastics. This time we are not talking about age, though she does not look like she’s 20, we are talking about falling down. During the event we saw some of the most awkward falls of the competition, and for the most part these falls were penalized appropriately, but for the Chinese girl (thus the “Home Cookin” title) an obvious fall was not penalized. I really dislike people who cheat, and Bella told it like it was a “Rip Off.” How can two little steps, hurt someone more than a fall to your knees? Maybe I don’t understand something about gymnastics, but when people fall in other events, the announcers always seem to think it is a bad thing. Maybe the pollution in Beijing blinded all the judges for a moment. Then again, maybe, sense everything happens so quickly in gymnastics, all the judges blinked at the same time and missed the fall… hum… Wait… they have instant replay, they used it a lot during the other exercises to give extra points to the Chinese and take points away from the U.S., they should have used it here. Maybe they did.

Maybe the issue here is bigger than gymnastics and Alicia is just the person who is having to face the change in reality. Just as Aquaman (Phelps) was “destined” as some say to win all those gold metals, quite possibly the not so hot reputation the U.S. has in the international community has caused the judges to automatically score the U.S. athletes lower than others. Phelps could not be marked down because he was racing the clock. Hum… Conspiracy Theory? Sounds like one to me. I may be mistaken, but I don’t remember many metals at all given to U.S. athletes that were based on a scoring system. Everything I remember us winning came from timed events. I think this is a good theory.

Till I decide to write again.

Chinese Children and the Olympics

Well…today I was reading some Olympic information on sports.yahoo.com and I came across an interesting article regarding the Chinese ladies Olympic gymnastics team. This article discussed some interesting revelations with regard to the ages of, the obviously young and talented, ladies. The issue here is not the nationality of the author of the article, American, nor the nationality of the silver metal team, American, but an issue of rules. If the young ladies are truly 16 years old, then a huge congratulations is in order. However, if the ladies are not 16, and the government of China has used this situation to try to bring glory to itself, through the manipulation of children, then a big shame on you is in order. As far as trying to determine if the athletes are under age, if the evidence is there, then the international Olympic organization should look into the issue prior to the end of the games.  I am not a fan of cheaters, and if they are not then the suspicion needs to be removed through the same measures. If they are, then appropriate action must be taken. It does not matter to me who has the gold metals, I just want truth to prevail.

Tonight I am watching the beach volleyball round of 16… wait Women’s 200meter breast stroke final… in the home of Aquaman, as if you did not know that already.

I will go ahead and say that I think Coventry will pull in another silver. She seems to have problems finishing. “Hoelzer” will probably win. Lets see what happens, Coventry leading, just like the announcers expected. Oh well, that’s why I don’t announce Olympics. Coventry wins.

Back to volleyball. The US needs to win by 2, and it’s 13 to 14 US. And the US wins. The Swiss are obviously not happy. It’s like their Rolex is broken. Hum…sad.

Aquaman is up, looking for the 7th Gold metal. I wonder if Phelps swims in the bathtub? I did when I was small, like really small. They were talking about Phelps’s arms and legs yesterday. Built like a 6′0″ man in the legs and like a 6′8″ man in the arms. Here we go. Aquaman wins by 0.01sec. WOW, but a gold is a gold. By the way…he is not Superman… he works with Superman at the Hall of Justice. He’s Aquaman. Are the contacts in the pool pressure sensitive, such that the clock stops when the athlete touches the sensor, or does he have to push? It appeared that the other guy was touching the pad, but the time did not stop until he placed more pressure on the sensor.  Hum… I am happy Aquaman won, but I am interested now in how the system in the pool works.

More Swimmin… Olympic Style

I just saw the Chinese lady get DQ-ed, no not Dairy Queen DQ, Disqualified. Dairy Queen DQ is gooood, disqualified is baaad, anyway when you are in the Olympics.

Oh by the way… a Bronze metal is bad??? So being third in the world is bad now. I can’t hardly swim… I would take a bronze. By the way, why do we use bronze; is that even worth what copper is now? I think we should use a new standard. If you set a world record time and come in first, you get a Platinum metal…Oh Yeah. First place and an Olympic record would get you a Gold metal. Silver would be reserved for those who come in first, but do it slowly, or in the case that Gold or Platinum is awarded, second. Copper would be given to third, and Rednecks from all over would be trying to steal it from the athletes. Fourth place, or Show in horse racing, would get the Bronze, which was really useful in the Bronze age, but not currently. Wow, that is a great idea.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua???? How stupid does Hollywood think people are. What a waste of time and money.

The water cube is a cool building, kinda like the ice palace where Superman lives, but in this case, where Aquaman lives. Do you think Phelps built the water cube? I bet he did.  He probably called upon a Whale Shark or something of the sort, maybe a Giant Squid, to create the building… sense you know he can talk to sea creatures… he can… I’ve seen it on the show (Superfriends).

Lady swimmers have guns, like dude guns, freaky. Unless of course they are from the US, where ladies look like ladies, not ladies with “man hands” Seinfeld.

And down the stretch they come… none of them are eligible for the title Aquawoman. China is uno and dos. Since I don’t know how to say one and two in Chinese.

The Drum in the water… who were they aiming at?? Good question… do I hear a controversy coming on? Those fans are kinda wild in the water cube, they must be confused. Is it a soccer match or is it a fight in Tian’anmen Square (you remember-throw drums at tanks?).

Now for the dudes with guns. No not like those in the square… arms… human arms, not munitions. I wonder if they bathe in after shave? They shave their bodies, and I know that I itch after shaving, I bet they really itch. Are they Aquavelva Men?? I bet not, they are all probably using AXE or something cool like that. AXE is made by Unilever. The French have gold, under my new system it would have been silver, cause no one broke a record. Review the above information if you have questions about the process.

How come in beer ads are all the people always sweaty, sexy, and single? How about that fat dude watching tv and saying “GO EARNHARDT.”

 

 

 

 

 Gymnastics… with ladies it is more about artistic impression. With the dudes it is about raw power.

Oh Yeah… Aquaman in 5 minutes.

Could you imagine a ninja fight with these oriental gymnasts? Twisting, flipping, twirling. Run away…run away.

Aquaman time… Oh yeah… He would have 5 Platinum metals in these Olympics. That would be a record too.

Peeper is snoring, and out cold. I am tired, so I am going to sleep.

Check out my new signature. My wife did it for me. Hehehe.

Olympics and such 8/13/08

Well… just as I sit down… peep pees, so be right back.

Ok, well… as I watch the commercials tonight I notice a distinct difference between the quality of local and national ads. Would you believe that Harris Teeter has an ad with a person off Love Boat? I guess their target audience watches RTN (Retro Television Network – for those out of the loop), or watched a lot of TV in the 70’s and 80’s.

As I was watching the tall girls play beach volleyball tonight, I was listening to the music played after a score… let’s see… Carrie by Europe, Highway to Hell by ACDC, Uptown Girl, “Peeing” the Night Away by “Chumbawumba.” I wonder… are those favorites of the Chinese. A billion ACDC fans… I don’t think so. Oh well… Team USA won, not Team America, that would be weird. However, not as weird as the team the announcer said was going to be interviewed… The Golden Girls… what?! What types of bikinis would that take to hold in all that giggling?

Did anyone see the plane made of Sumos? Would you buckle up with that strap wrapped around their bellies? As long as it was not the part going through the nether-regions then I think I could survive.

Is a win a win?… duh… we will take the win… such stellar interviewing.

What is with this “soundtrack of the olympics?” Might as well be the techno twins in the AT&T ad.

You can get OP (Ocean Pacific) at Wal-Mart. Oh by the way… it went out of style in like ‘91. That is why it is sold at Mega-Low Jumbo Marticus.

It takes a while to hop back and forth between Olympic events, but if anyone can do it Phelps can.

The boy-wonder. Nope…Phelps is Aquaman… Robin wore funny clothes… Phelps doesn’t wear many clothes. He appears to like to draw attention to areas right below his belly button.

Tiger Woods & Michael Phelps – I can live with that analogy. Tiger in a Speedo!!!! Wow! The analogy of Tiger Woods and Phelps is better than the one they did between Tiger Woods and Kimbo Slice. Yep… Better to play it safe with quality athletes and not with an unknown brawler.

Well Anyway… until the live swimming comes on I will take a break.